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Bass to Mouth
HUMANCENTiPAD
Kyle is intimately involved in the development of a revolutionary new product that is about to be launched by Apple. Meanwhile, Cartman does not even have a regular iPad yet. He blames his mother. 
Trapper Keeper
Cartman has a new Trapper Keeper (that blows Kyle's out of the water) After he's done bragging, a stranger tells him that it will soon take over the world if they don't destroy it now. Cool 2001: A Sp... 
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Cartman is convinced he is going through puberty since he started bleeding out of his ass. Dr. Mephisto gives Stan some hormones and he takes the entire bottle. Stan gets facial hair, boobs and his voice starts changing. People are waiting outside of Jesus' home to see what kind of miracle he offers which ends up involving a comeback performance of a very old Rod Stewart and eventually an appearance by God.
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