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Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut
Cartman needs to find out who his father is but his mom is no help. Learning that his father could be one of the many people that his mom "had relations" with during an annual party called "The Drunke... 
D-Yikes!
Ms. Garrison's latest date goes so badly that she assigns the class the book report over the weekend, but the boys hire immigrant labor to write it. Meanwhile, Ms. Garrison becomes a lesbian and saves... 
Death
"Happy Birthday" to Stan's Grandpa Marsh who just turned 102. How does the wizened Mr. Marsh feel about his birthday? He sums it up in five words; "I wish I were dead." and proceeds trying to end his ... 
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Eek, A Penis!
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While their regular teacher, is busy looking for a way to become the man she always intended to be, Cartman is put in charge. Soon after Cartman takes over, the kids' test scores are on the rise. Cartman decides to make a difference by working with some inner-city kids whom no other teacher has been able to reach.
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