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Mr. Garrison starts the day off with a special announcement; one of South Park's own has won a national essay contest. Everyone is shocked to learn that the winner is Cartman, who doesn't even remembe... 
The Cissy
Randy is harboring a giant secret and the pressure is getting to him. Meanwhile, Cartman calls Stan a cissy. 
Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut
Cartman needs to find out who his father is but his mom is no help. Learning that his father could be one of the many people that his mom "had relations" with during an annual party called "The Drunke... 
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The Brovlofski family is dealt a devastating blow when Ike's Canadian birth parents show up unexpectedly and want their baby back. When the townspeople decide to forego Christmas gifts and take up a collection to get Ike home to South Park, the boys are distraught. Before all the money for their Christmas presents gets spent, they hightail it to Canada to bring Ike home themselves.
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