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Weight Gain 4000
Mr. Garrison starts the day off with a special announcement; one of South Park's own has won a national essay contest. Everyone is shocked to learn that the winner is Cartman, who doesn't even remembe... 
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In a very special episode of South Park, Cartman fights for Kenny's life when he speaks before Congress in favor of stem cell research. Meanwhile, Stan has trouble dealing with his f-f-friend's impend... 
Eat, Pray, Queef
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In order to get out of school, the boys enter an anti-war demonstration. Not really knowing what they're protesting for, Mr. Garrison decides to teach the boys a lesson by making them write an essay about our founding fathers. Cartman, (being the lazy asshole that he is) says that studying is way too much for a nine-year-old to handle and decides to cook up a crazy scheme in order to get out of it. With a crashing boulder, and electrocution Cartman finally gets what he wants... a flash back.
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