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Mr. Garrison starts the day off with a special announcement; one of South Park's own has won a national essay contest. Everyone is shocked to learn that the winner is Cartman, who doesn't even remembe... 
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Tweek x Craig
Kyle and Cartman pit Tweek and Craig against each other. Meanwhile, the boys' wood shop teacher, Mr. Adler, struggles to cope with the loss of his wife, who died in a plane crash. 
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Proper Condom Use
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Thanks to Stan's "handy" work, the children of South Park must endure sex education from the unlikely duo of Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik. While the two adults take their lessons to heart, the children are left frightened, mis-informed, and armed for battle against the opposite sex. Much hilarity ensues.
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