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Mr. Garrison starts the day off with a special announcement; one of South Park's own has won a national essay contest. Everyone is shocked to learn that the winner is Cartman, who doesn't even remembe... 
Stanley's Cup
Stan Marsh has hit rock bottom. He's got no job, no bicycle and his only way out of a bad situation, is to coach the local pee wee hockey team. Once a hotshot pee wee hockey player himself, Stan Marsh... 
Broadway Bro Down
Sharon is thrilled that Randy is making an effort to do more things that she enjoys. But, after he takes her to see a hit musical in Denver, Randy becomes Broadways biggest fan. Sharon is whisked away... 
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Cartman preaches and the children begin plans to build a church. Satan spends the night with Saddam. Kenny wasn't killed in the previous episode, but the bus that ran him over stops in Mexico, where Kenny is found. Satan, in his time of crisis turns to God for advice. Cartman is discovered as a fraud and is sent to Mexico for punishment.
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